Checking in for the wedding

Woke up at stupid o’clock and got ready to tackle the registry office, armed with a mountain load of paper work in a plastic folder, which was just as well due to the rain.We took a taxi mainly due to the torrential rain and also because we didn’t really know where we were. What we hadn’t anticipated was that we’d need £sterling so got ripped off by the taxi drivers exchange rate.

We pulled outside the registry office and entered the room, not too unlike a police sation. The people were behind screens nd there was a wooden bench in the corner. There was a couple in front of us, he sounded Australian and she sounded like she was Czech or something. Soon it was our turn. How hard could it be? We’d already emailed all our documents, a month or so before so we expected them to all be OK. We handed the documents over and were handed forms to fill out indepently. Alarm bells rang! Rich doesn’t do forms, doesn’t know his address, doesn’t know my date of birth and its become apparent doesn’t know his occupation!

 After filling  out the forms,we had to initial every question then they were taken away for marking!!! We both failed! Although I’d let Rich copy our address, he’d put it in a different order and me (spelling police extrordinaire) managed to spell deed poll wrong!!!! Feeling more than abit embarrassed infornt of a now crowded room, we hd to re-do our forms then with cheeks still buring we were called up again and questioned about my previouus name change. The confusion was 15 years ago I changed my name from my ex married name of Good (stop laughing) to Sims. I then lost the ded poll certificate and applied for another one and it came back with previous name Sims and current name Sims, which I agree is a bit strange but as I pointed ou,t I had obtained a british passport with the document the year before. A big, fat, ugly old bag informed me that Gibraltar is not the UK and different laws applied! She was backed up by a big, fat, controller (the one who pointed out my spelling error). My voice was getting quite high pitched and very posh by this stage, as the vision of going home unmarried crossed my mind. Rich was about to explode at them as we were sent to sit down only the bench ws full and I then found myself trying to justify how wrong these people were and I wasn’t really a criminal (although I felt like one). Everybody was very sympathetic and when we were called back and they said it would be ok, I think there may have been a cheer or maybe I imagined it. Suddenly the fat controller didn’t seem quite so bad although it would take a lot to forgive him for the spelling thing!

I was almost on a high now, we’d done it!!! Only not quite, we were then told we had to go down the road to a notary, in the pouring rain to get our papers stamped then back to return the papers. I was then feeling cross again, what a bloody faff!

 Off we went down the road, in the rain to the notary. Once in, we were told we had to pay more money. Of course they didn’t take cards and didn’t have change for euros!!!! Luckily another couple (elderly), who were also getting married had the same problem but with me lending them €2.50, we manged to pay in euros between us but then were told the registrar or what ever he was called, hadn’t arrived at work yet so to come back in an hour! For fucks sake, another bloody hour wasted in the bloody rain. We ended up going to a coffee shop with the elderly couple who insisted on buying us coffee (me an orange juice as I don't do coffee), as I lent them money. Was rather tempted to take a brandy, if only I liked it!!!!

Margaret and Pete, the elderly coupler were from Tenerife and it soon became apparent were part of the god squad. Now I don’t mind religion but its like having a cock, its great to have one but just don’t wave it in my face! They kept us entertained with stories about their parrot (what is it about me attracting old people with parrots?????) Apparently they had to re-home the parrot as it got nasty and kept calling Margaret(in Peters voice) when Peter was out which confused and scared Margaret as you may imagine!

We went back to the notary, signed the forms and took them back then, following Margaret & Peter who had incidentally bought a rain coat which looked like a condom, we went to find M & S to try and find Rich some more trousers as by this stage his only pair were rather wet.

M & S was a disappointment, it was very small, filled with clothes suitable for my grandfather (if he were alive) and mainly P.J’s strangely. It was also terribly expensive and we came out empty handed. 

We trapsed through the town, umbrella-less, getting soaked to the skin, hair stuck to our heads when we stopped looked at each other and headed straight for the nearest bar. Rich and I never drink during the day but Rich took a beer and I had a bacardi breezer, rebels that we are and sat in a wooden cubicle, leaving puddle on the seats.

Eventually we made it back to the apartment where Caroline and Mark had been locked out! Later found out this wasn't true, Mark had gone to the wrong apartment block.