The first retirement weekend

I was so looking forward to the weekend. This retirement lark is a bit of a lonely business, although I am becoming very good at conversing with the Chihuahuas. We can have whole conversations about the nuisance flies and why we shouldn’t raid the biscuit barrel. I think, to spice things up a bit, I may start getting in my car at 8.00am and driving really slowly to piss off the workers who are trying to get to work, as that’s what retired people tend to do, on their way to the supermarket to piss workers off by watching their entire shop go through the checkout before lifting an item to pack, then dividing their shopping into bags for each cupboard and one for the fridge and one for the frozen. Oh I know that’s what they do, from very bitter experience!

In my head, we’d be doing all sorts of exciting things at the weekend, as we’d have missed each other so much during the week, after spending everyday working together for the last 6 years. As it turned out Rich worked Saturday morning, Harry arrived at 8.15am to do some jobs around the house, I did what I do most days of the week, kind of fanny around cleaning then provide lunch for the workers when Rich arrived home at around 1.00.

We did go to the Chinese Bizarre which is a bit like Pound Land only more expensive. It sells all sorts of items for the house and has a huge array of plastic containers which I find totally fascinating even though I’ve examined them many, many times. Rich, once bought an electrical cable there which didn’t work when he got it home. Out of curiosity he cut it open to check the wiring only to discover it didn’t actually have any!!!! So there are things which you avoid buying from there. We went for a Paella pan as Rich wanted to try and cook a Paella. It’s a bit of an alien thing really, Rich cooking, as its always been a strictly pink job in our house! However we entered the Paella dish isle and were confronted with around 20 different sizes of Paella dishes, either in a speckled black or silver. Naturally I was attracted to the silver but I could for see future problems with rust so I sensibly chose black but how on earth are you meant to select the correct size? On this particular occasion we’d invited Mummio and Dadddio over in the evening to sample Richs effort, so we chose a mid size one which was maybe a bit ambitious, as it could have fed the 5000!!! I also bought some little umbrella things that go in drinks. Fuck knows why, as we don’t tend to make cocktails or have visitors but they were just too attractive to leave behind. They are now stuck in a drawer with all the other cocktail ornaments that have never been used. I also came away with 20 serviettes with Owls on them, which for 75 cents were a bargain.

We eventually made it home after doing a breakdown call out and going to buy the ingredients for the paella. Rich managed to prepare the paella with very little' pink help' which was quite amazing as he usually is shouting ‘Where is ………….’ every two seconds!

The Paella was a huge success and we had a wonderful evening with the Olds but Sunday was a real disappointment. Rich spent the entire day in his man cave, watching TV, in his holey, grey  boxer shorts, beside the fan! He only emerged for me to feed him and even then he retreated back into his cave with his food.  I spent the day in my She cave, reading Black Lace books which have turned out to be hard core porn and are very boring after the first sex scene and a little bit scary to be honest.  I’m not totally convinced people really do that kind of shit, in real life. I’ve certainly never, knowingly met any, apart from one couple who actually met on a dodgy website for people who partake in that sort of activity and she crawls around with a whip in her bum (apparently).

 It was just like any other bloody retirement day, apart from Harry didn’t come around. By 6.00 I was totally climbing the walls and had to have a Strongbow to calm me down (didn’t work). I’m not going to be very impressed if every weekend is like this, its not what I had in mind! Busy now trying to find a nice day trip for next weekend.