The weekend

I actually had a day off yesterday, although when I say a day off, I actually worked harder than if I was a work. I’m a partner in a garage in Spain and my job is amongst other things isto listen to customers talk at me and jesus can some talk! I’ve even met some that talk more than me!!! Really!!!

 We have one customer who we are convinced is stalking us. It all started off OK. He came in wanting a service on his car, he requested a proper service which in his opinion, must take at least two hours to qualify as a proper service. I didn’t want to burst his bubble so I let him wander off to look around, god knows where for two hours whilst Rich performed the service which with his vast experience only takes around 20 mins. Customer came back happy as Larry as we had done a ‘proper’ service. Customer came back the following week asking where he could buy screws from ……………….!!!!! Ermmm Aki maybe, Chinese Bizarre???? Ask somebody on the street FFS, you do not have to make a 15 minute journey to us to ask, really! I think the mistake I made was engaging him in conversation for some ½ hours when he first came in. Over the weeks this customer came in for any kind of excuse, always enagaging me in lengthly conversation mainly about France, his Ex’s (there were 3), dogs and how many people he’d hit in his life (1, which was a woman). It also appeared he’d done every job I cared to mention (tinker, tailer, soldier, sailor), had had every car, been to every country, you get the idea. He came in one morning telling us that somebody had jumped over his fence and stolen his car key, not the car funnily enough, just the key and then we got chapter and verse how he knew it was his nutty neighbour and he was going to put razor wire on his fence, yeah that would show her!  The car came and a new key was purchased and programmed by an electronics expert, Ed. During this time, Ian turned up 4 times saying that we were doing it wrong and it wouldn’t work. Rich who is chief customer preventance manager actually told him to fuck off!!!! Which he did and kept a low profile for a day whilst we did what we do, FIX things. One Saturday morning Rich & I were in Aki when we spotted him and spent half an hour playing cat n mouse up the isles trying to avoid him, which we did. He came in on Monday morning to inform us that he’s seen us drive into Aki and and come in to say hello but couldn’t find us!!! Anyway, said customer, came in at least once a week for the last year but recently his had a real problem with his car, which incidently is a skoda. We fixed the problem but the next day it came back with a different problem. Ian had had his car re-mapped in the UK and Rich found a bunch of dodgy looking wires, held together with masking tape Rich suggested that there was probably a problem with the wires but Ian was adamant that Rich mustn’t touch those wires as they were fitted by a very trusted mechanic 10 years ago and have been perfect for the last 10 years. Rich gently suggested it maybe the wires have corroded but no, he wasn’t allowed to touch the wires. Ian had self diagnosed the alternator but Rich persuaded him to leave it with us for a day for him to test it. Whilst it was with us Rich touched the sacred bunch of wires and what do you know? There was a fault, which he duly fixed and gave Ian his car back.  Whilst all this was going on Ian used every opportunity, usually 4 times a day, to ring me and check his booking dates (sometimes 3 times a day), find out how his car was and even book in his partners car .The car was running perfect after the wires were fixed but Ian is still insisting on us fitting an alternator so we’re letting him spend €400 on an alternator to shut him up.

So yesterday I do what I do every weekend and clean the house, move the furniture to a different position, inevitably move it back, change the bed etc.  Some how it seems to take me around 4 hours to do all this WTF!!! We live in a two bedroom, 1 bathroom house. AND why is it that as soon as I’ve made the bed one of the dogs jumps up especially to vomit on the freshly laundered sheets???? That’s just so annoying.

We went out last night which is quite a rarity these days. Mummio & Daddio have a friend over and we all decided to go to the Gobble n Go. The Gobble n Go probably isn’t quite as exciting as it may sound. Its actually called The Wok and is a Chinese buffet. We call it the Gobble n Go as you eat it all very quickly then bugger off back home in time to watch X Factor. For your first experience Its always best to go with somebody who has done this before as the etiquette can be a little confusing. You get shown to a table, last night our was a round one which was very pleasing as it enables group conversation. You then get offered a drink, Mummio & I shared a fairly crap bottle of white which funnily enough improved after the first glass, so much so we drank a second (bottle that is)! Everybody waits in anticipation, until somebody on your table says go then everybody rushes up like greyhounds out of a trap to raid the buffet. They are quite clever though, they give you very small plates to disgourage over eating but it often back fires as the greedy bastards go up repeatledy, I know this because Mummio counts if she spots a serial muncher. Last night, I think there was an Elvis convention going on, there was quite a few men with receding hairlines, bouffant hair dyed balck, open neck shirt with a splidge of hair poking out. One even had black hair with grey roots! You could tell they were English but mainly by their stereo typical wives, its like all the couples were cloned. The wives were pleasantly plump and a bit more, covered in old fashioned tattoos and sporting kind of a mahogany short hair do. It was quie bizzare really. Any way after you have your starter or first plate of nosh, you retain your cutlery (weird I know but it’s a Spanish thing) and you go up for round two whilst the nice Chinese people take your first plate away and you repeat this process until you physically can’t move any more. You then pay the bill which is usually €11 a head plus drink and waddle off home, complaining that you’ve ate too much, to sit on the sofa, down more wine and for the men & Mummio – have a good fart!!!!!